2025 Retrospective

2025 was a rough year. Rough, rough year. Though much didn't happen in terms of events, there were some long drawn out circumstances that I had to battle through. The major one, was my impending death. Toward fall, around September and past, I felt myself fading. I was losing my will to live. It wasn't a sudden thing, it had been building, or rather, degrading, into that since the start of the year. In a last ditch effort I went and got some more therapy. It helped, but not for awhile. Then, after my birthday, I felt the emotions brunt and full force, on November 11th. I was ready, ready to leave life. The entire night, that's where I was. I was ready to get my affairs in order, set up a trust, and all of that. I promised to sleep it off and see where I was in the morning. The feeling of despair minimized a great deal. I think that was me releasing some energy in the oral segment, because ever since then, I've had less of an inclination to overeat or even eat at all. Thoughts of nihilism and how worthless life is still pervade me, but it's more manageable now. I hope in time, they will dissipate entirely. To be continued.

The other revelation was finding out that I am not Irish. I simply assumed so, because my mother assumed so. Why did she assume so? Because my father died there. Simply nonsense, illogical, reasoning. Through genealogical tracing, I found out that I am indeed part English, and part German as well. How about that. I won't say I don't like either of those cultures, even given the atrocities they were apart of, but I did very much enjoy being Irish. I was proud of it. It's a bit late in the game to be finding out such foundational truths to my ancestry, but better late than never? Ah.

So, that's the year. As time moves forward, I creep, crawl and climb closer toward myself, and slowly, circumstances and relationships are starting to adjust. I truly hope 2026 is the year I can run forward, full-fledged, toward a solid instance of my true mentality.