clear vision - clear results

Phoenix! I'm here, and the momentum is mine.  there was a prime reflection sent, for my desire. This means its in the works. It's about sex really. There is a window I feel when moving to any new location to transform to a new state of consciousness. Perhaps it lasts for a month or so. I must take advantage of this... And I will

Only 700 miles to go.  I'm in Amarillo, TX at present, and was in Memphis yesterday. That's half the country in two days. I like Memphis. Anyway, I'm only 70 miles out from the place where I've desired to be,  for so long.  I'm hoping I can settle down there for awhile. During the drive, when I wasn't listening to music,  distracting myself,  I was thinking about my life.  I'm 30 now and want to get things in order. This means playing women, using them before they get a chance to use me. This means tighter family ties, if they'll have me.  This means more adventure,  making my days interesting,  finding out hidden things, and of course lots and lots of green. I can achieve all this. Focus is the key. At the end this will have been a 3000 mile journey. It'll have went from New York, to Charleston,  and now to Phoenix. Let's keep it there for awhile.

I turn 30 tomorrow, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Time inevitably marches on,  but ideally you want something to show for it. I suppose in looking back at my 20s, the thing I'd like most is to stop fighting myself.  I'd like that,  and great success and adventure.

onward toward Phoenix onward toward freedom. my next goal in the meantime will be spiritual.

it's over, I'm going home. there's so much to take away from the experience, let me begin to unpack. first of all I believe I need another lengthy fast like this. not only for health reasons, like weight and the gastric issues I posted about earlier, but a lot of family thoughts came up while there. a lot of life was lived by me since my last major fast (15 days in 2009). thats 7 whole years. went from Buffalo to New York, to Charleston. then all of the women and various issues with that and other life changes. it has to be dealt with. sections : 7 day fast the girl 👧... spiritual lessons nature fellow travelers 7 day fast : first thing is first, the important part of why I journeyed out in the first place. I needed to fast. my weight was skyrocketing, nervous system seemed troubled and I just couldn't get going in anything important. clarity eluded me. so I went to a place such as this:  deep in the heart of Texas. to fast. and fast I did. 7 days b...

You have to earn your health, even when its the most difficult thing in the world to do. Stay the course, past temporary but intense discomfort... This is the journey I'm on now. Day 6 of water fasting commences. The longest streak since college all those years ago, when I did 15. The 1st 3 days went easy enough. Day 4 however, drowsiness overtook me. I stayed in my room, only coming out to drink water and leak. One instance felt like passing fire. It was very likely the gastric acid being discharged, the sane that passes into my throat when I burp sometimes. Day 5 was harder. Constant mental tension, restlessness, insomnia and overall physical uneasiness. My stomach also felt like a rock had been dropped into it. Perhaps the week a few months earlier where I gorged on donuts might have something to do with that. Urine was less scalding to pass, but still hot. Good. I 'll take that as a sign of getting better. I stood on the scale just for my information, two of them. O...

thats what it takes to get ahead. this was a license plate someone had and it defined my mood perfectly--hand in glove. there have been some recent developments at work to spark my thoughts and accelerate some feelings on a few matters. the first is the pregnancy of my supervisor. this is the first time I've ever been directly supervised by a woman...and its different. to her credit she is extremely work focused and a good manager but the problem she shares is the same one shared by all women--they are women trying to compete in a man's world. since they are unable to compete directly due to some of the disadvantages that they have, namely that they get pregnant, which wastes valuable time and a few others more mental in nature, the playing field has to be tilted and those drawbacks have to be compensated for. now all of this is fine. but as a result of her pregnancy, she has transferred power over to yet another female, who isn't capable to lead. aside from this I see ...

Crossing the Jacksonville Bridge into Downtown this past weekend I finally went & left out from SC, and hit the road. I decided a week earlier to visit Jacksonville, which was the closest major city at around ~240 mi (Charlotte/Atlanta being the next at 210/310 respectively). long story short, I had a blast. hit about 3 different places, and got some food [which regrettably wasn't that good]. first I caught some jazz at Jazzland on University Boulevard, and it was mostly an older folks venue, which is fine, but then one woman emerged from the crowd to sing 'My Funny Valentine' by Ella Fitzgerald. it was awesome. very catchy. also didn't have to pay cover which was nice. then I left from there and headed downtown. on a Saturday night, parking wasn't too hard to find, and I didn't feed the meter either. I was looking for a club named TCIS, which was supposedly the premier club in Jville. I walked down the street to see another club at the exact same add...

I neglected to write this post in the moment while fasting and I regret that, thus this post. on July 4th weekend, from the 2nd to the 4th, I fasted for approximately 3 days and dropped about 7.2 lbs (from 276 to 268.8). that was barely a week and a half ago, but my metabolism in general seems to be speeding up, I'm around 270-273 these days, a far cry from my all-time high of 281. my weight shot up to 275 afterward but seems to be evening out around 271ish. this was the longest I've done a fast since 2009 I think, and this was only done because I was lacking in energy generally and my weight was skyrocketing while yo-yoing all over the place. another thing-I was just thinking today of a book I'm reading, The Fast Diet by Michael Mosley, and it speaks of research detailing that people who dieted every day for 3 months lost 8-10 less lbs than those who ate regularly 5 days a week and cut their calories down to 500-600 on the weekends. its really interesting stuff, ba...

My brother. There was another apparition today, this time at work.  A huge insect, ostensibly a jumbo dozed roach felt the need to crawl onto me toward the end of my shift at work. At home,  I'm seeing spiders frequently, another crawled on me and am having many dreams of my life as a teenager in Syracuse. This happened because I interacted with my brother, who is stuck, alive inside of my mother's toxic dream upstate. My mother,  whom I have excised from my life. But my brother is with her frequently. Since we are blood and therefore resonate,  that minor interaction was all it took to regress me, temporarily.  I can only imagine the trials he is under. Today I made the offer to get him out of there. I'd put up a couple grand and see him freed. Yet, somehow I do not think he will take the offer.  I hate like hell the truth that interacting with him sets me back. I love the kid and want to see him be all he can be.  It is a slow torture to see thi...

I believe last night I finally hit the turning point when it comes to weight issues, and a few other things. my five point plan when it comes to food, is starting to psychically integrate. I've been repeating it every night since around the vernal equinox, with plans to stop on the summer solstice (a full season) but it wasn't only until a few weeks ago that I started repeating each point on the plan 5-10x, which has made a huge difference. this slight adjustment in my psychological self-conditioning has begun to pay huge dividends in terms of my calmness and even discipline in simply following these principles, principles which I've set out for myself and principles that I know will work. when in doubt I can just mentally turn to these principles and get things straightened out. as an example, I haven't eaten before 2:30pm in over 5 weeks now, which is outstanding for me. I finally feel like I'll be fine, which is strange considering how long I've been ...

I woke up this morning feeling as I've never felt. I awoke feeling saturated and chock-full sick of the nonsense. from the madness of online forums, to propaganda perpetrated by the media, by Trump, and everything else. I don't want it anymore.

Man was born free, yet everywhere he is in chains. There's no other way out of this, but to get rich. Then at least, you can call your own shots.

I was sent another vivid reminder of this on Wednesday, as I awoke to see the biggest insect I have ever seen crawl into my bed to greet me good morning. It starting scrabbling around my leg, rousing me from sleep. I had to use a washcloth to kill the thing it was so large. This was a very clear signal from the universe to forget about previous women, and leave them behind mentally. They were dirty, scheming and unbecoming of me overall. so here I am. It never ceases to amaze me how fast negative intentions materialize in this world. Building something positive takes time, but to dissipate it? Happens in an instant. I'll keep my focus on girls to be, rather than girls-that-were.

Last night I dreamt of her once more. But it was different.  The feel was different.  earlier in the day I asked for a shield, to protect me from the moral depravity of women. At night I had the dream of her walking away from me, in what instance I do not recall. Whereas before I would've felt loss at this upon awakening, this time, there was only a flat acceptance. Farewell my darling.  I loved you so dearly. And I will not forget. Perhaps in years far ahead will I hearken back to our past adventures, forever stored in my memories museum. But I must keep moving. I will appreciate what you meant to me.

I had an interesting encounter today at the gas station. while wearing my Irish NYC t-shirt, similar to this: A patron entered behind me, and immediately noted how "you don't look Irish". I took the comment at face value, to mean that I have some African resemblance, presumably being black or at the least, not "pure" Irish so I said "half-way". I asked if he had ever been to Ireland, he said no. I then told him that not all Irish looked the same. he then said, to himself: "well, I'm American" and that was the end of it.  I began to wonder what in my environment or mindset had shifted to put forward this negative movement. I then realized after some reflection, my thoughts have shifted toward blacks in general. I am starting to believe they have high potential, maybe the highest of all 'races', but haven't been living up to that in America, to say the least. I thought about how long it would take them to reform their...

last night, I was at the Yanni concert, here in Charleston: Before the show. ( left ) During the show. Hard to see the silhouette of the woman singing. ( right ) At one point, my eyes started to clear up: my left eye specifically. Then my neck started convulsing, twisting and pulsing. It was as if my neck wanted to "throw up" the excess tension. Then, with Yanni and some of his band-members, I almost saw them clearly! Later on I felt some quick dry stabs in my left eye, I guess because it was stretching that far, and I haven't used it at that distance in about two decades . Even today, I feel the back of my neck and it feels looser than it ever has. The tension bands running up on the left side has decreased a bit, maybe by half, so I'm excited to keep going.

so, I am back to fasting successfully, and its going well. over 4-5 years of having trouble maintaining a fast for any longer than a day, I realize the key to making it last is having some traces of longer lasting carbohydrate in the system. enter starch: potatoes, rices, and so on, and the key to making it last is eating them consistently , day after day. I'm on my 3rd day of fasting today, and I think I might keep going because of my current vision restoration initiative. I'm starting to notice tweaks with my vision, and tension pulsing in and out of my face. why not? its not like I have to eat today, although it would be an exercise to finish the day this way. I might as well finish the day. I don't get back to training until Friday, so I can eat tomorrow. I should eat tomorrow, given that. still, though, I wish I could go longer. when I read stories about people like Kermit Washington who fast for 5 days and drop 18 pounds, it revs me up in a way. I will very l...

I'm starting to make good progress in my vision recovery. Antecedent to that would be relaxation of my overly tense neck muscles, and then I'm hoping the astigmatism which I was found to have some weeks ago would correct itself, along with the distance problem of course. I've been on it at least twice a day for 10 days now, sometimes up to 5x. recently I have felt the synovial fluid around my neck joints, it doesn't feel right, its almost as if my head was leaking. I want to clear this up as soon as possible. I find I now have more range of motion even while doing simple activities, such as riding my bike or walking around. that's great news to me, for a man nearly 20 years blind. the restoration of my vision has to be around the corner. I must keep the pressure up.