clear vision - clear results

the long drought is over. I feel much more relaxed. Saturday night I went out with a girl I met from the site. she was supposed to meet me to see a movie but she was late, so I told her that we'll get dinner later and we did, after I finished watching the film. the movie was great also, one of the best I've ever seen. the title was 'Alpha' . it was about a prehistoric boy who bonds with a wolf to survive in the wilderness. she picked me up from there and drove to the theater. we ate at the Cheesecake factory, which I wanted to try, having never been there. prior to our dinner we had a drink, and after we got a table and began the date. the kitchen took a long time to make the food, in the meantime I gained some good information about the woman I was facing, such as how old her child was, when the last time she dated was, where the father was, and so on. she was kind of into astrology which I found interesting. she's a fellow Scorpio! right on the cusp, Oct 23. she...

or unease. I'm still trying to adjust to a new sense of identity, or an expanded sense even. Its quite uncomfortable and, I feel weird daily, as if a foreign body were merging with my being. However, I must do this. I am obligated to by a law or principle so deep and mysterious I cannot even define it definitively at present. I can barely scratch the surface of it. I suppose I simply have to force my way through, and adjust over time. My mentor once stated that the person inside me would have to die. I do not know if that is entirely required, but I certainly feel a transformation taking place--a shift. I hope I like myself once I get there.

I am starting to realize that a lot of the game is simply picking up on social cues that women give and being able to respond accordingly. for instance one woman yesterday gave me the good morning message on pof.  she is therefore receptive to more conversation. I responded once but did not carry it forward, which is my error. same with the other chicks who wish me good night or good morning. it means they are thinking about me, in some fashion at least. one area which I find myself being caught flat-footed in is the constant hesitation and waffling I seem to possess. I hold myself back from engaging fully. I know not why exactly. perhaps its from habit, perhaps it is  from a lingering anxiety, an anticipation of fear of failure and the consequences from that from even if I did engage fully and still did not succeed. in any event, its breaking the flow that I am to create with the women that I engage. every woman has a rhythm and every interaction has its own rhythm. I...