clear vision - clear results

To the problem of my game. I've figured it out. Truly, I never belonged there, at that capacity at least.    The women who I have been with, the ones that have given me pain,  I shouldn't  have been there in the first place . The entire time, I was working on borrowed energy, and as it faded, so did they.    My own energy in the game must be developed further. Have to raise it up a bit. Then I will be able to connect with the right women.

This session started off with me not looking at the Doctor for five minutes, until I laid down. Then, I showed more mistrust I guess? Of being myself. After a bit of a verbal exchange, I began to let out the shouts, and screams. The back of my left leg cramped up, just above the knee. I stared angrily at Doc, then left.   After, I went to Dunkin Donuts, where I stared angrily at the stupid, nitpicking customers. Then I got on the train. Now to head home.

...is her. It always was.   She's still in my dreams.

It was held at Macao Trading Company, by Canal St. The evening started slow, then got turned up over time.   Hot ho in  black&white , looking for older man   Two numbers scored, both with chicks who had Asian sounding names (Jung, +Kai)  (signal from infinite) Bacon + shrimp rice, that was new. And it tasted good as well. My game was rolling tonight. From dominating the conversation, to challenging the ho (what can you teach me), to playful with Jung, I had a better time than I thought. I held control.   Very professional ladies. Lawyers, nurses, managers all throughout.  Overall, I had a good time, and will definitely attend another of these events.

Tonight I attended the hip hop dance conservatory.   Two philosophical takeaways:    Dance is like speech, has its own phrases. Putting it like that helps tremendously because I'm a public speaker. Just memorize the phrases, and put it into action.   Don't let others, or challenges, intimidate. Step to the music just like I'd step to a person in a fight.   Then he gave science to illustrate how the process of improvement works, mentioning mirror neurons and so on! Awesome. Very mental, and physical too.   Technique wise, doing the breaking was extremely fun. I learned how to switch hands. Never thought I'd be doing that.   I really like the military style employed during some sections and personalized attention that was given. It was good, and I definitely got better. Maybe I will do it 5-6 nights a week. I'd certainly get even better, and it'd be much quicker too.   Two questions/areas for wonder...

Last night there was an intense dream.    I was in a hospital, holding  Candi . She was bleeding on her skins surface. I sent her to the hospital, then left the area. One moment I am attempting to defuse a bomb in a park, like Bruce Willis in die hard 3, the next I am in some barely lit room with a couch. A black policewoman accosts me, I pull out a gun and shoot her in the chest. Throughout it, I felt the pull of the hospital. I wanted to return, and check on her.   I still love her. But there's  a lot of elements in between us: first and foremost being, she doesn't give a shit about me, primarily speaking. Likely I am, and always was, an ancillary concern/factor.   Intense dream.

After much anticipation, to the point my palms were sweating, finally the time arrived. Returning to the Upper East Side after being absent more than a year, nearly 15 months in reality, for me was fraught with a bit of reminiscence, and slight nostalgia. All sentiments aside, I met the good doctor once more, and refreshed where things were.   Without further ado, here is what happened   We talked for ~10 minutes, then I lay down to breathe. Something bubbled up. He encouraged me to let the sound out, and from there it started pouring out.   My neck, shoulders and face are still extremely tight, as I know. Also my calf and hamstring muscles cramped during the duration.   My left eye corrected itself during the movement test, so he said that was encouraging.   Slowly but surely, I an getting better: releasing all this junk that was put on me    Until next session: my brother's birthday, April 17th.