clear vision - clear results

as I get older things in life do become clearer to me. the man I want to be, certain goals, society in general and the importance of focus. I write this because its starting to hit me, those halcyon days are gone, even though I'm not sure I ever really had them. didn't have much of a childhood. regardless I will stay focused on this next decade and do the best that I can. I'm starting to lose hair a bit. either its the age or I'm not getting enough zinc in my diet. maybe both. its just, just one of those things I guess.

I have some sort of gift. The power to regenerate.  My vision is returning,  in flashes. It's spotty at best, but it is happening.  The major block appears to be the massive wall of tensed nerves and muscles directly where the upper left neck muscles attach to the skull. This has had a cascade effect down the neck going into my shoulders. It's less than it was from a month ago,  but its still sizable. While practicing, an interesting side effect is that my nasal passages at times get clear,  allowing me to breathe easier.  That's not to mention the neck tension.  Its been roughly a months worth of consistent practice thus far,  and I'd say I'm making excellent progress.

So in pondering over some queries I had stewing around for awhile, after witnessing some fiascos in politics, namely the stealing of the Supreme Court seat, as well as taking into account womens behavior in general, I finally realized that's it's not about being a good person, but about getting what you want. After thats accomplished,  then there might be space left to be a good guy. All else is secondary. The answer came to me in a dream, in a conversation with my mother oddly enough. The other thing was, I'm going to have to build a custom mentality for myself, one unique to me, to what I want, previous habit or childhood be damned. According to what I know, making broad sweeping changes to elements of my psyche and attitude is extremely difficult in a limited time-frame. Much more reliable would be the grind approach--focus on one element at a time, in an ordered manner until you have and are what it is you desire. Most important is the being.

Lately I've been making a bit of progress in my ability to visualize.  I can see objects moving frequently at a distance of 8-10 feet or so,  though not all the time. Sometimes after gaming extensively for some hours it takes extra time to focus back in. Anyway the next step is to extend it out to 15 feet distance or more, since that is where and how far the eye wants to naturally focus. Whenever I do this I feel the muscles in my body,  all over begin to relax.  It's quite interesting,  the effects. I have been dabbling over the past 4 weeks, another adjustment would be to become more consistent in this,  on a daily basis would be ideal.

Phoenix! I'm here, and the momentum is mine.  there was a prime reflection sent, for my desire. This means its in the works. It's about sex really. There is a window I feel when moving to any new location to transform to a new state of consciousness. Perhaps it lasts for a month or so. I must take advantage of this... And I will

Only 700 miles to go.  I'm in Amarillo, TX at present, and was in Memphis yesterday. That's half the country in two days. I like Memphis. Anyway, I'm only 70 miles out from the place where I've desired to be,  for so long.  I'm hoping I can settle down there for awhile. During the drive, when I wasn't listening to music,  distracting myself,  I was thinking about my life.  I'm 30 now and want to get things in order. This means playing women, using them before they get a chance to use me. This means tighter family ties, if they'll have me.  This means more adventure,  making my days interesting,  finding out hidden things, and of course lots and lots of green. I can achieve all this. Focus is the key. At the end this will have been a 3000 mile journey. It'll have went from New York, to Charleston,  and now to Phoenix. Let's keep it there for awhile.

I turn 30 tomorrow, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Time inevitably marches on,  but ideally you want something to show for it. I suppose in looking back at my 20s, the thing I'd like most is to stop fighting myself.  I'd like that,  and great success and adventure.