clear vision - clear results

So, I've been back in New York for about 2 weeks now, and it's been a grind. At points, it has felt like my body was falling apart--specifically, my lower legs. I think that comes down to training issues. I'd been focusing too heavily on quads in my return to weight-lifting, neglecting the hamstrings and glutes. This past week focusing on them has lightened the load a bit, and my walking gait is nearly normal again. Just have to deal with the stiffness. The other part is therapy. Getting there has seemingly gotten tougher, that might be because of my weight though. Whatever. I still make it there. Some of the sessions though, a lot has come out. I feel like I'm making progress, though in what direction I can't be positive. My whole goal was to regain my eye-sight, but is the attainment of such continually to remain on the horizon? Hard to tell. The last part is me getting back to my roots--what got me involved in all this in the first place. Those are the books by W...

 Below I'll post the transcript of an internal conversation with myself. Asked me answers last night and they came. The key has always been within my grasp... I realize that women kind of are what they are at this point and thinking about the past. Well, thinking about my life, you know. I go back to a book by Maxwell Maltz, called Psycho-Cybernetics. And in the book, he talks about how some people would change once they had the plastic surgery and some people would not. What was the reason why the people didn't change remained the same even though they looked drastically different? And he came up with the concept of an internal image of self-image and yeah, methods or techniques somehow to change that.  All the stuff I have learned over the years from great mentors like supreme and some other folks as well confirms that, in different aspects at least. I realize that I have not really shifted my internal image much. I've shifted it a bit, but that came over time. Life inten...

I haven't covered my trip to Texas yet, but it led me to discover some things. One is I do not take constant criticism well, and it came in high doses from K. So that leads me to believe that I'm better off, not on my own, but spread out as I were before. I went to three cities for my "Texas Triangle", here's the breakdown: San Antonio: has SeaWorld, the River Walk, which is great, and the Alamo. Had a good time, but it has a sleepy sort of bedroom community vibe. Houston: very urban, very crowded. Some folks w/ great houses there in the city itself, and good local musical talent. Very much my vibe, but different than eastern cities in some sense. More...mid-western I suppose one could say. Austin: lots of fun. music every which way you go. Would come back just to hang out. Creatives definitely flock here for a reason. Went to quite a few music events--Zapp & Roger, local improvisational talent, and local groups everywhere else. This is seven days a week! I...

My big leap this summer, and this year, will be the return of my dreams, specifically, my remembrance of them. After about a week now, of remembering them upon waking, I see they are quite mundane and filled w/ worry about what could potentially go wrong in my daily life, provided I make certain mistakes. Situations like sleeping in late, or not giving certain women what they want, it's all so...quotidian. In some measure this must hold me back. Perhaps, no, it's likely that I need an imagination upgrade. Now that I have visibility into these aspects of my nightly cerebrations, I can take steps to correct them. I'm already on the way to correcting my weight issues. Just takes focus and imagination over a period of time.

What a year this was. I was going to say 'probably' the most productive of my career, but there's no 'probably' about it. This was the most productive year of my career, and maybe my life too. Since summer 2021 I had been working 2 jobs, and that job ended at the end of August. From there, I took some time to recover, about a month, actually that's not true. On the very day it was ending, a recruiter called me, for another position! I accepted since the pay was good. That started a month later, beginning of October. Since then, it's been a rollercoaster ride. I picked up another job, shortly after, at the same firm where the other job ended, but that didn't start until November. I also didn't mention the other job I do, working for another state agency, albeit part-time.  Backing up from the start of the year, at my original job, my previous manager got promoted, then I switched teams, and from there--got hired on full time. It's a state agency,...

An animal is at its most vulnerable during a few phases of necessary biological function. Sleeping. Mating. And with some animals, shedding its skin to make room for a new one. As it for animals, so it is for humans.  I've made the mental decision to change this summer, and I intend to go through with it. I suppose throughout the process, my old (mental) skin will be pushed to the fore, and I'll be vulnerable throughout that time. Not to a huge extent, but already I'm seeing negative movements on multiple fronts. I can only hope that nothing goes too badly for me during the transformation.

 I'm 99% sure more mental work is required. Staying on point mentally is a job in and of itself, both from assaults within and without, but lately it seems like whenever I take a rest break from affirming my intuition or my instinct, I fall back into whatever identity I have "by default", and, suffice it to say, the social and interpersonal results are subpar, at best. The true state of things is that more work has to be done mentally, since, as a man thinketh, so therefore is he. James Allen wrote of this, quite eloquently in his timeless book. I want to get to the point where when I wake up, my thoughts default to a strong, impervious state, not whatever trauma has informed and is still influencing my thinking. Living in my new home now, I'll be fine to do this. I have the main workbook required, and I'll take it forward from here. If its important, and it is, I'll make the time to accomplish this. Career goals, et al, aren't as nearly as important as de...