Identity

I am starting to think, no, believe...that this is not who I really am.

Location: Elmhurst, Queens

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2025 Retrospective

2025 was a rough year. Rough, rough year. Though much didn't happen in terms of events, there were some long drawn out circumstances that I had to battle through. The major one, was my impending death. Toward fall, around September and past, I felt myself fading. I was losing my will to live. It wasn't a sudden thing, it had been building, or rather, degrading, into that since the start of the year. In a last ditch effort I went and got some more therapy. It helped, but not for awhile. Then, after my birthday, I felt the emotions brunt and full force, on November 11th. I was ready, ready to leave life. The entire night, that's where I was. I was ready to get my affairs in order, set up a trust, and all of that. I promised to sleep it off and see where I was in the morning. The feeling of despair minimized a great deal. I think that was me releasing some energy in the oral segment, because ever since then, I've had less of an inclination to overeat or even eat at all. Th...
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farewell to supreme.

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I'm posting this three weeks after the event. Chris Arnett, also known as playersupreme, or "supreme", has died. It happened on October 1st. I didn't find out until October 12, almost 2 weeks later. I went to youtube to see if supreme had any comments on current events, and going through the comments on a video realized something was wrong. Then I saw what happened. Have recorded more of my thoughts in the audio show below. With this event now I truly understand that death comes for us all, and it is coming soon. Looking at my life more broadly, I yearn to blame the world for my life turning out this way. This world has done nothing truly beneficial for me, nothing except having killed all of my fathers. Stephen (my biological father). Donald Sr. Mike. and now supreme, who was a surrogate father to myself and so many other men. Being 30 years old now, I both find solace in that and feel some mysticism toward the whole concept. The usual questions--where is sup...
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2022 Retrospective

What a year this was. I was going to say 'probably' the most productive of my career, but there's no 'probably' about it. This was the most productive year of my career, and maybe my life too. Since summer 2021 I had been working 2 jobs, and that job ended at the end of August. From there, I took some time to recover, about a month, actually that's not true. On the very day it was ending, a recruiter called me, for another position! I accepted since the pay was good. That started a month later, beginning of October. Since then, it's been a rollercoaster ride. I picked up another job, shortly after, at the same firm where the other job ended, but that didn't start until November. I also didn't mention the other job I do, working for another state agency, albeit part-time.  Backing up from the start of the year, at my original job, my previous manager got promoted, then I switched teams, and from there--got hired on full time. It's a state agency,...
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