clear vision - clear results

or, how I found out some places in PHX can make the rough neighborhoods back home look almost hospitable. seriously. I'm in the process of moving, to put it one way, and have to stay in a hotel for some time. being cost-conscious, as you are charged by the night, made me select one particularly cheap motel, aptly referring to itself as the "Payless Inn". that should've been my first clue, that attending lodging named after a affordable shoe chain meant I was in a world of hurt. but I didn't get it until I actually checked in. upon checking in, imagine my surprise to discover there were 3 lamps in the room, with only 1 light bulb between them. imagine my surprise to see the dried blood on the door, floor and on the carpets (at least, I hope that was blood). imagine my surprise to discover no TP and no towels in the room. I spent 5 days in this rat-trap, and walking around the neighborhood I found that the contagion was everywhere, indeed, endemic in the neigh...

I'm posting this three weeks after the event. Chris Arnett, also known as playersupreme, or "supreme", has died. It happened on October 1st. I didn't find out until October 12, almost 2 weeks later. I went to youtube to see if supreme had any comments on current events, and going through the comments on a video realized something was wrong. Then I saw what happened. Have recorded more of my thoughts in the audio show below. With this event now I truly understand that death comes for us all, and it is coming soon. Looking at my life more broadly, I yearn to blame the world for my life turning out this way. This world has done nothing truly beneficial for me, nothing except having killed all of my fathers. Stephen (my biological father). Donald Sr. Mike. and now supreme, who was a surrogate father to myself and so many other men. Being 30 years old now, I both find solace in that and feel some mysticism toward the whole concept. The usual questions--where is sup...

as I get older things in life do become clearer to me. the man I want to be, certain goals, society in general and the importance of focus. I write this because its starting to hit me, those halcyon days are gone, even though I'm not sure I ever really had them. didn't have much of a childhood. regardless I will stay focused on this next decade and do the best that I can. I'm starting to lose hair a bit. either its the age or I'm not getting enough zinc in my diet. maybe both. its just, just one of those things I guess.

I have some sort of gift. The power to regenerate.  My vision is returning,  in flashes. It's spotty at best, but it is happening.  The major block appears to be the massive wall of tensed nerves and muscles directly where the upper left neck muscles attach to the skull. This has had a cascade effect down the neck going into my shoulders. It's less than it was from a month ago,  but its still sizable. While practicing, an interesting side effect is that my nasal passages at times get clear,  allowing me to breathe easier.  That's not to mention the neck tension.  Its been roughly a months worth of consistent practice thus far,  and I'd say I'm making excellent progress.

So in pondering over some queries I had stewing around for awhile, after witnessing some fiascos in politics, namely the stealing of the Supreme Court seat, as well as taking into account womens behavior in general, I finally realized that's it's not about being a good person, but about getting what you want. After thats accomplished,  then there might be space left to be a good guy. All else is secondary. The answer came to me in a dream, in a conversation with my mother oddly enough. The other thing was, I'm going to have to build a custom mentality for myself, one unique to me, to what I want, previous habit or childhood be damned. According to what I know, making broad sweeping changes to elements of my psyche and attitude is extremely difficult in a limited time-frame. Much more reliable would be the grind approach--focus on one element at a time, in an ordered manner until you have and are what it is you desire. Most important is the being.

Lately I've been making a bit of progress in my ability to visualize.  I can see objects moving frequently at a distance of 8-10 feet or so,  though not all the time. Sometimes after gaming extensively for some hours it takes extra time to focus back in. Anyway the next step is to extend it out to 15 feet distance or more, since that is where and how far the eye wants to naturally focus. Whenever I do this I feel the muscles in my body,  all over begin to relax.  It's quite interesting,  the effects. I have been dabbling over the past 4 weeks, another adjustment would be to become more consistent in this,  on a daily basis would be ideal.

Phoenix! I'm here, and the momentum is mine.  there was a prime reflection sent, for my desire. This means its in the works. It's about sex really. There is a window I feel when moving to any new location to transform to a new state of consciousness. Perhaps it lasts for a month or so. I must take advantage of this... And I will