Allegory of the Cave


Through my life, it seems as if the women I have had the most feeling for have also given me the most pain. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but I think its done now--I dodged another bullet.

Last Thursday(28th), I was at the bar with a woman I was talking to, 2nd date. She is the one I had many phone conversations with, the one with whom I could feel her need. Anyway, we were drinking then got to making out.

It didn't go anywhere. I was drunk, but still, my niceness may have saved me. She was likely expecting me to fuck her. I did not, she feels rejected, etc. etc, so that's that.

By chance only, I listened to this show, and realized, that guy was exactly me! My ex, she had a child, and I stumbled in there, wearing the game as a mask, and her neediness was great, so the sucker in me came out. I wanted to save her from her dejected reality. but it dragged me down, and every time I tried to leave, the guilt brought me right back in, even very recently.

With the most recent case, the same feeling was there that I had with my ex, that feeling of being needed. And I was going right back down that same hellish path. This time though, I somehow lucked out. I don't have to do that now, so I'm free. The very thing I was fighting for these past few years, yet at the same time fighting against, I have now. The rest of my women I can just have fun with. There won't be any of the deep, dark, blood-red stuff.

Freedom, feels strange, and my eyes hurt, just like Plato's prisoner in the Allegory of the Cave. I will attempt to hold onto it for as long as I'm able.

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