Ten Days in Texas


it's over, I'm going home. there's so much to take away from the experience, let me begin to unpack. first of all I believe I need another lengthy fast like this. not only for health reasons, like weight and the gastric issues I posted about earlier, but a lot of family thoughts came up while there. a lot of life was lived by me since my last major fast (15 days in 2009). thats 7 whole years. went from Buffalo to New York, to Charleston. then all of the women and various issues with that and other life changes. it has to be dealt with.

sections:

  • 7 day fast
  • the girl 👧...
  • spiritual lessons
  • nature
  • fellow travelers
7 day fast:
first thing is first, the important part of why I journeyed out in the first place. I needed to fast. my weight was skyrocketing, nervous system seemed troubled and I just couldn't get going in anything important. clarity eluded me. so I went to a place such as this: deep in the heart of Texas.

to fast. and fast I did. 7 days breaking from food. by the 4th day, I could start to feel some of the oddness coming out, and toxins of all sorts being released into the bloodstream. getting healthy most often is not a very pleasant thing. after day 7 I figured it was time to stop there, before I went stir crazy thus I broke it. the method they have for breaking it is great, a two day method. first day, a cup of tea followed by a kind of crushed almond milk with a dash of organic sugar. that is breakfast. lunch is a soft soft rice with organic broth, and supper is a sort of lentil bean. water is only allowed one hour after consuming these items. then the next day in the morning you get a bagel with whatever topping you desire. normal eating is resumed after, with the caveat that spicy food is not advised until at least the next day. my total stats as I measured them  yesterday were:
beginning weight: 278 lbs
ending weight: 259 lbs.
total lost: 19 lbs
average lost: 2.7 per day

which is great stuff and validates all of the physical symptoms. I should've kept it going but I wanted to break it sooner for a few reasons, one being that if I would've gotten home on day 2 of breaking it I would've blown it by overeating.


the girl:
well when you meet a girl...its been almost a day now. so some of the high is wearing off from the meet, but in that small town in Texas I met this girl who was clearly interested in me. the timing just never lined up. she was Hispanic, cute girl and moving to get over her smoking addiction...but more than that she distinctly felt me. gave me a pet nickname, was clearly thinking about me and I'd find her asking questions about when I was leaving or where I was from. doesn't get much clearer than that, but I felt some sort of...I don't know.

damn having a receptive woman felt good. has to be one of the greatest sensations a man can feel.

I've been out of the 'game' too long. since the theme was all about clarity, I noticed in myself a hesitancy to take the reigns with her. but why? clearly I haven't dated in awhile, but that wasn't it. I'm not sure what it was. I've manifested this hesitancy before.

maybe I didn't want the responsibility of having to own up to her desire?

I remember standing for a moment before deciding whether or not to go outside or to sit down and engage her.

spiritual lessons:
the things I thought I had lost about myself, I found once more. I'm a social person overall, mostly happy. Just lacking in energy when I eat bad foods. That's all. Also, that there are no wrong thoughts, if it is fleeting.

there are some family things I have to deal with. on this I am at a near loss.

2nd chakra needs to be worked on.

some of the dreams were deeply emotional.

the other thing, more importantly I think, is that for some of the time at least while I was there, I didn't like who I saw when I looked in the mirror. I think when its near time for our final breath to be drawn, each man would like to see in his reflection a person he'd be proud of and not disenchanted by. one can only hope...but I can do more than that.

nature:
it was great to be out in nature. there was the hummingbird which flew directly in front of me and seemed to be examining me. one night I stood out in the rain. it was said that after 5-10 minutes of rain, the atmosphere is cleared and the following rain is clean and clear. it was purifying, must've stood for at least 15 minutes. I've never done that. only downside is that being in nature can get slightly boring at times, yet even that can be a positive because it forces you to really think about certain issues you may have and how to solve. plus the wind and fresh air always feels good.

fellow travelers:
met some interesting people around there. there was the minnesotan with whom I played a few rounds of chess. the indiana girl who showed me how to play dominos. the frenchman who went to yale and is volunteering. the bostonian training to be a nurse. the former texas instrument engineer turned driver slash pilot slash web designer who told of the 'good old days' when companies took care of their employees. ha. it sure isn't like that anymore. anyway, I value all of the connections I made and conversations I had. it was fun. I wish them well on their travels.

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