clear vision - clear results

Last night I dreamt of her once more. But it was different.  The feel was different.  earlier in the day I asked for a shield, to protect me from the moral depravity of women. At night I had the dream of her walking away from me, in what instance I do not recall. Whereas before I would've felt loss at this upon awakening, this time, there was only a flat acceptance. Farewell my darling.  I loved you so dearly. And I will not forget. Perhaps in years far ahead will I hearken back to our past adventures, forever stored in my memories museum. But I must keep moving. I will appreciate what you meant to me.

I had an interesting encounter today at the gas station. while wearing my Irish NYC t-shirt, similar to this: A patron entered behind me, and immediately noted how "you don't look Irish". I took the comment at face value, to mean that I have some African resemblance, presumably being black or at the least, not "pure" Irish so I said "half-way". I asked if he had ever been to Ireland, he said no. I then told him that not all Irish looked the same. he then said, to himself: "well, I'm American" and that was the end of it.  I began to wonder what in my environment or mindset had shifted to put forward this negative movement. I then realized after some reflection, my thoughts have shifted toward blacks in general. I am starting to believe they have high potential, maybe the highest of all 'races', but haven't been living up to that in America, to say the least. I thought about how long it would take them to reform their...

last night, I was at the Yanni concert, here in Charleston: Before the show. ( left ) During the show. Hard to see the silhouette of the woman singing. ( right ) At one point, my eyes started to clear up: my left eye specifically. Then my neck started convulsing, twisting and pulsing. It was as if my neck wanted to "throw up" the excess tension. Then, with Yanni and some of his band-members, I almost saw them clearly! Later on I felt some quick dry stabs in my left eye, I guess because it was stretching that far, and I haven't used it at that distance in about two decades . Even today, I feel the back of my neck and it feels looser than it ever has. The tension bands running up on the left side has decreased a bit, maybe by half, so I'm excited to keep going.

so, I am back to fasting successfully, and its going well. over 4-5 years of having trouble maintaining a fast for any longer than a day, I realize the key to making it last is having some traces of longer lasting carbohydrate in the system. enter starch: potatoes, rices, and so on, and the key to making it last is eating them consistently , day after day. I'm on my 3rd day of fasting today, and I think I might keep going because of my current vision restoration initiative. I'm starting to notice tweaks with my vision, and tension pulsing in and out of my face. why not? its not like I have to eat today, although it would be an exercise to finish the day this way. I might as well finish the day. I don't get back to training until Friday, so I can eat tomorrow. I should eat tomorrow, given that. still, though, I wish I could go longer. when I read stories about people like Kermit Washington who fast for 5 days and drop 18 pounds, it revs me up in a way. I will very l...

I'm starting to make good progress in my vision recovery. Antecedent to that would be relaxation of my overly tense neck muscles, and then I'm hoping the astigmatism which I was found to have some weeks ago would correct itself, along with the distance problem of course. I've been on it at least twice a day for 10 days now, sometimes up to 5x. recently I have felt the synovial fluid around my neck joints, it doesn't feel right, its almost as if my head was leaking. I want to clear this up as soon as possible. I find I now have more range of motion even while doing simple activities, such as riding my bike or walking around. that's great news to me, for a man nearly 20 years blind. the restoration of my vision has to be around the corner. I must keep the pressure up.

I dreamt of her, once more. I was driving up a one lane highway, situated above a sea of vast water, with no guardrail. I nearly spin off a few times, it's a miracle i don't land in the ocean.  It was in Alabama,  but I was aiming to get to Mississippi. I end up on an island with her, for some reason.  We meet, and there is a beautiful, tiny white child. Blonde hair,  blue eyes. I think to time our last session,  to confirm that he is mine,  but I know. i want to speak,  but what to say?  I'm sorry for being away?  Just needed time I suppose. I suppose there is still some flame in my heart, for her. Love equates to meaning. I find little here beyond accumulating money. If I still love her,  or desire her, does that mean I haven't changed as a person ?  Perhaps.  At least on that one subject, the subject of woman, I have not moved forward. I wonder what she's up to.

from Oct to Nov 15th...much of this time was spent idling, pacing and preparing for the upcoming move. the preparation made the move simple. shipping my things was easy thanks to Amtrak Express, and cost effective as well. landed my first apartment, then off I went. 4 years in New York down... coming to Charleston, was not much of a culture shock.as I grew up in Syracuse & this seems to be a more upscale, classy version of that city. similar population. the layout requires use of a ca,r, which I don't have at present. anyway, I'm glad to be out of New York. I'll be sure to visit in the summer, maybe buy a pad for that purpose. there's too much action there not to. my arrival day was interesting. the man who helped with transporting my belongings to the apartment is mixed, as I am, only his father was black with my own white. he immediately asked me if I was mixed upon meeting. guess we can sense each other on some level, but to that point I'd never had that h...