Therapy 10-29

I related my dream of the soldiers, plus the sword & woman with black eyes. He interpreted it, quite simply I might add. Woman with black eyes=evil, demon. The sword capable of being wielded by man or beast is my fear of my anger, and the soldier with the great sword is my anger, my potential to do damage. 

Then I covered my eyes. This world is so fucking ugly sometimes, actually most of the time. Have to see the beauty in the dark spots. 

I pointed at him with my eyes closed, saying that he did not care, that nobody cared. So fuck em. I don't care. But, as he said, I don't care is the opposite of fuck em. Fuck em, implies deep feeling. 

Physically, he pressed on my back, calves & neck. I refused to kick, saying that I could not. I lay there, and did not wish to move. It was like my body was saying "No." 

Coming back, its slightly strange. My neck, on the left side feels looser. As does my psyche. It was as if I said what needed to be said. It was as if the words I've been shielding myself from for years were expelled, at least some of them.