Therapy 10-30

A lot of talking at the start. I entered with two things, a statement and a question. The question was in relation to women, whether or not I was even in the right mindset to be with one. I told of the dark foreboding I get when I look around at them, and then he said that at least I recognize this, but how correct could the thought be, if I don't even know the woman? He continually drives home the point that not all women are the same, the opposite of which I do believe, or are after money, but everything in my experience leads me to think otherwise. 

He brought up his example of the woman who starts to like me, which leads me to think, automatically that she is trying to trap me. He said there's a potential alternative view to the situation, to her, but I don't want alternative viewpoints, I want the truth. Can I see what's directly in front me? Then he said I cannot arrive at the truth if I am locked into this one way of seeing. Repeatedly I asked him to confirm that these women exist, for whom money is secondary to the connection, he said yes. And I thought of Keila later on. She had genuine love in her heart, for me, but I threw it all away. Whatever the case, they are a bit harder to find, and his instruction that a woman is looking to be taken care of is not lost on me. I want to do that, and I don't. Do they deserve it? 

One habit I have he mentioned was continually looking at natural impulses in a bad light; a dark, light. This includes the scenario that if they begin to like me, the eventual wanting to know that I could care for them, plus a child. Maybe. There's two sides to every subject, but if that is truly the case, then fine. People must learn that its also natural for me to want many women as well, the variety. However, society seeks to restrict my movement.   

Doc recapitulated his philosophy on them in one sentence: "not all women are evil". At session's end I told him they all want something, and he said yes: to be loved, loved and understood. I agree with being understood, but I don't know much about love. 

Then I asked him about proper cognitive technique concerning therapy. Whether its better to try and prepare beforehand for the emotions that will come up, or deal with them after they emerge in therapy. He said it depends on the situation (this seems to be stock answer to many key questions). I might be angered at something specific on any particular day. In any event, he again reiterated how important it is to discharge as much as possible during therapy. To deal with the fear of my anger ????... I cannot remember what he said to this. 

Some light work was done on my right gastrocnemius, the eye check, and I left it at that. To resume in two weeks time.