clear vision - clear results

So last night I brought over this one girl who I had been speaking to for awhile. I knew she was feeling me, deeply, but last time she came over she was on the flow. Tonight she was not. She drove down in her brand new car, '13 Civic. We caught up on things, then the lights went off. And it was good. This was the type of sex I had been waiting for. It was just natural, can't really explain it. Being brought up in the Caribbean culture, she has good hip movements and so on, but its more than that. Its her personality, she is submissive, in a womanly way & I like that. Its unlike any of the others I am talking to. During fingerplay, I did scratch her vaginally (uncut index finger), there was blood on the sheets, but she didn't sweat it. My fuckup. Anyway, I made sure she got hers, even gave her the kiss down below (which I rarely do), now she's on the team and I feel damn relaxed about things. You know, life is good, and it only gets better...

So, I just sent this broad back home, didn't fuck or anything like that. We watched a movie, had some laughs. After, I start ramping up the tension. I go for her bra, then she put the brakes on. It was our 4th meet, I had an epiphany recently that I should be moving things faster with these chicks, regardless if I like their personality (girls I click with I tend to be more lax on). After she stops me, she says: "There's something I haven't told you" "Ok go ahead, I'm listening."-while I'm kissing all over her neck&breasts She laughs. "No, its for real, its something serious. A serious problem" As she continues, I start to understand. I make an inquiry as to the nature of her problem, and ask her if it can be solved. She says no, it is permanent. She then opens her lips to tell me what the issue is. I close them with my finger. She almost starts crying. I am just silent, holding her head for a bit. We get out of bed, and go t...

Again, I escaped with my future still intact, whatever that is to be. Was talking to Candi today, and it turns out she was pregnant, has been for 3 months. It was my birthday rendezvous that caused this. She thought it was a girl, but none of that matters, for it is gone. She had a miscarriage. I felt a tangent sadness, and a sense of lost possibility, as to what my potential daughter (or son) would've been like. But I'm not ready to be a father, even though I would've owned up & accepted the care of her (or him). I still have a lot of life to live. Chance seems to be in my favor...only fitting that this be St. Patricks day.

Pay attention and the world will show you what you need to know. In a very short time, as many as five females have told me I keep stuff too close to the vest, that they feel I'm holding back, or evading giving info about myself. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but two of them I didn't even meet in person (one was over the phone, other was online only)! The vibe of restraint must be very strong. I'm going to try and open myself up more. I have nothing to hide, and fuck that whole "be a mystery" advice. I like who I am, who I am becoming. But, normally, that's how it happens. In a short period of time, sometimes you'll notice different people may end up telling you what amounts to the same advice. This is the universe prodding you to develop, to move to the next level. If you hear it three times or more, take heed. Of course, whether or not you act on it, is up to you. As far as the game goes, I'm going to keep my heart wrapped for my family, ...

Through my life, it seems as if the women I have had the most feeling for have also given me the most pain. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but I think its done now--I dodged another bullet. Last Thursday(28th), I was at the bar with a woman I was talking to, 2nd date. She is the one I had many phone conversations with, the one with whom I could feel her need. Anyway, we were drinking then got to making out. It didn't go anywhere. I was drunk, but still, my niceness may have saved me. She was likely expecting me to fuck her. I did not, she feels rejected, etc. etc, so that's that. By chance only, I listened to this show , and realized, that guy was exactly me! My ex, she had a child, and I stumbled in there, wearing the game as a mask, and her neediness was great, so the sucker in me came out. I wanted to save her from her dejected reality. but it dragged me down, and every time I tried to leave, the guilt brought me right back in, even very recently. ...

*this occurred from 2/16-2/20, a total of 7 dates. the next 3 are in a later blog post. I'm in the process of getting my game flowing again, through online means this time. These are the dates I've had so far. Saturday: 2 dates 1st date: This was my first date from the site that I use. I chose Ethiopian restaurant, to try something different. Food wasn't half bad. So, the girl arrives, and she is literally beautiful, under the restaurant lights. I got more comfortable as date went on though. She is from Portland, OR, going to attend FIT and a graduate from School of Performing Arts (an actress basically). This girl, she had her defenses up though so I'm not quite sure how to come at her. I do know she doesn't have much sexual experience, just by how she talked about past men in her life. She goes on 2-3 dates a week, so I'm not sure if this is a novelty thing, but I would like to make love to her. If anyone knows how to crack these actress types, please le...

about a week ago, I began catching wind from my manager that my time was going to be reduced in my current position. immediately, I started to move, mentally move that is. I put out an intention for a smooth transition into my next role, and kept it up for a couple of days. I didn't know where I would end up but I knew it would happen. suddenly, I get correspondence from a large company looking for a PC Field Tech to handle Dell merchandise in Manhattan & Brooklyn. I call them, do the phone interview (proving my tech skills), and I'm in. completed all the required certs across Dell's many many product lines, and I'll be starting sometime next week. that's not all. my current firm wants to keep me on anyway, past regular business hours, as they have no one who can do the work I do. in conclusion, instead of losing out on money, I ended up gaining both ways. not bad for some spot meditation work. the next thing is to push it even further...