clear vision - clear results

A really good weekend. performed on Saturday, in my first dance performance ever! Can't believe I got through it, wasn't even nervous either. Went to sleep satisfied.   Then Atlantic City, on Sunday. Fucking awesome. It is the Vegas of the east coast, mini style. I went with one of my  chicas . Firstly our coach arrived at the nicest bus station I've been to, inside Bally's, a casino. They gave a $25 promotional rebate, which I used later to win some real money ($15).   We stayed at the Tropicana, which was outstanding. Reminded me of the cruise last year, everything was close by, convenient. It was linked to the Boardwalk, and a mini mall known as The Quarter. The beach was also immediately there, however didn't get to enjoy it much. As soon as we checked in, I dove on her, then we ate a nice Cuban dinner. We came back, I pulled her to me again. I need a woman that can take that kind of heat. And I don't know if its her. Afterward, I j...

There wasn't a lot of talking this go round. I arrived and immediately wanted to shout. I told the Doctor that this was my primary impulse, versus talking. He told me to go for it, as we can always talk. I did. Requesting permission to do as I feel is a fault of mine, but one that seems to be lessening as time goes on.   Then the screaming started. It kept coming. I opened my mouth wider in an attempt to let more sound out. The intensity of the acoustic propulsion caused me to nearly choke a few times. There's a lot of anger in me, right now most tangible around the mouth area.   It stopped. He did the eye check, aka sanity test. Am I in contact with myself? My eyes are starting to work in concert, and he states that to be an encouraging sign of progress.   The week of the 28th, he's out, so I told him why not do two sessions next week. He agreed to it on the next day. Also, the knot at the lower left of my neck is loosening, I feel some of the s...

Simply amazing. Gorgeous.   When this universe works, and it works correctly--it works  fast .   Just received a message on  okc  from a woman, who by all measures, prima facie at least, fits what I have been looking for--in merely 24 hours of putting forth the intention!   This is incredible. Incredible, and stupendous. The only concern is--now that the opportunity has revealed itself, what do I do with it ? Can't let it slip. Just want to be strong in my response.

I arrived at the appointed location, on time and ready for the session. The Doc was late in coming though, one of his clients ran him over about 10 minutes, which was fine because I had the time. She was a decent looking blonde as well. I got in, paid him a good amount, which he was pleased at, then laid down and began to shout. The sound kept coming, rolling in waves. There wasn't much talking in this session at all. I felt myself losing it this time more than any other time. Something is breaking. I asked Doc at the end, if I should eat anything after? He didn't answer, but instead queried me as to why I would pose that question. I responded that I thought it might have something to do with feeling more, and he lightly wondered if I was suggesting that there was some sort of connection between feeling, and food, to which I replied: "well, I am a fat guy". He chuckled. I then sat up, and walked through the door.

I must be confused...Candi's name is on my lips, but all I can see in my mind's eye is Alicia. That might be because she is more recent, but its also probably because I did a lot more with her, went to a lot more places. She was bad for me in the larger scheme, but that doesn't stop me from missing her. Was looking through some of the pictures I have of her...The heart has its own reasons. In other news, I reached 220lbs! Down from 240...took about 3 months, and this weigh-in was after a mid-day run, but I still made it. 1/3rd of the way there...gonna keep going. Diet is where I really need to remain consistent. The keys are to eat more (clean) bread, as it allows me to fast here and there,  keep the protein intake clean and organic, and lastly, try not to eat those huge meals, even coming after dance class. I can do this...

I had the appointment changed to Wednesday, for this week and next, and moved earlier. No matter. This is my mission.   I arrived, then started asking some questions. Were they of import? Somewhat. The answers I remember most related to the Doc stating that intelligence & emotional clarity were separate, and also him telling of his early days before having an  orgonomic  practice. He taught medical students, and worked in a hospital for a # of years, treating the medically ill. Getting into contact with myself was continually reiterated as being of prime importance here, which is why I think he was attempting to shift the focus away from potential mental gains to be realized from therapy (in other words, growing smarter as your emotions & by extension, your thoughts, become clearer).   We also talked of invention. Many people have ideas, but how many follow through, all the way to execution? Less than 1%. Doc stated his top two geniuses of a...

My feelings about today's session are mixed. Not to say ambivalent, just hard to distill into one or two words. I left feeling disoriented. I entered feeling active, if a tad pensive. At the beginning, first two minutes, I did as I always do: just let my eyes drift, relax a bit.   Then we spoke of work. There was an incident at my job yesterday which I described. Basically, someone who I used to have a good amount of esteem for, came out and said I messed up a client's Mac, when I never touched it. He asked me, I said no, then he said I did it anyway. It would have taken him all of two minutes to ascertain the true culprit, before pointing fingers. But he didn't do that. He asked, accused me, then checked and found out. I just thought it was low of him to do that, if you ask, and I say no, then take me at my word. I've been nothing but honest while there. As I found out after, that was me being emotional! In recounting my day, I was expressing myself. Who woul...