clear vision - clear results

I turn 30 tomorrow, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Time inevitably marches on,  but ideally you want something to show for it. I suppose in looking back at my 20s, the thing I'd like most is to stop fighting myself.  I'd like that,  and great success and adventure.

onward toward Phoenix onward toward freedom. my next goal in the meantime will be spiritual.

it's over, I'm going home. there's so much to take away from the experience, let me begin to unpack. first of all I believe I need another lengthy fast like this. not only for health reasons, like weight and the gastric issues I posted about earlier, but a lot of family thoughts came up while there. a lot of life was lived by me since my last major fast (15 days in 2009). thats 7 whole years. went from Buffalo to New York, to Charleston. then all of the women and various issues with that and other life changes. it has to be dealt with. sections : 7 day fast the girl 👧... spiritual lessons nature fellow travelers 7 day fast : first thing is first, the important part of why I journeyed out in the first place. I needed to fast. my weight was skyrocketing, nervous system seemed troubled and I just couldn't get going in anything important. clarity eluded me. so I went to a place such as this:  deep in the heart of Texas. to fast. and fast I did. 7 days b...

You have to earn your health, even when its the most difficult thing in the world to do. Stay the course, past temporary but intense discomfort... This is the journey I'm on now. Day 6 of water fasting commences. The longest streak since college all those years ago, when I did 15. The 1st 3 days went easy enough. Day 4 however, drowsiness overtook me. I stayed in my room, only coming out to drink water and leak. One instance felt like passing fire. It was very likely the gastric acid being discharged, the sane that passes into my throat when I burp sometimes. Day 5 was harder. Constant mental tension, restlessness, insomnia and overall physical uneasiness. My stomach also felt like a rock had been dropped into it. Perhaps the week a few months earlier where I gorged on donuts might have something to do with that. Urine was less scalding to pass, but still hot. Good. I 'll take that as a sign of getting better. I stood on the scale just for my information, two of them. O...

thats what it takes to get ahead. this was a license plate someone had and it defined my mood perfectly--hand in glove. there have been some recent developments at work to spark my thoughts and accelerate some feelings on a few matters. the first is the pregnancy of my supervisor. this is the first time I've ever been directly supervised by a woman...and its different. to her credit she is extremely work focused and a good manager but the problem she shares is the same one shared by all women--they are women trying to compete in a man's world. since they are unable to compete directly due to some of the disadvantages that they have, namely that they get pregnant, which wastes valuable time and a few others more mental in nature, the playing field has to be tilted and those drawbacks have to be compensated for. now all of this is fine. but as a result of her pregnancy, she has transferred power over to yet another female, who isn't capable to lead. aside from this I see ...

Crossing the Jacksonville Bridge into Downtown this past weekend I finally went & left out from SC, and hit the road. I decided a week earlier to visit Jacksonville, which was the closest major city at around ~240 mi (Charlotte/Atlanta being the next at 210/310 respectively). long story short, I had a blast. hit about 3 different places, and got some food [which regrettably wasn't that good]. first I caught some jazz at Jazzland on University Boulevard, and it was mostly an older folks venue, which is fine, but then one woman emerged from the crowd to sing 'My Funny Valentine' by Ella Fitzgerald. it was awesome. very catchy. also didn't have to pay cover which was nice. then I left from there and headed downtown. on a Saturday night, parking wasn't too hard to find, and I didn't feed the meter either. I was looking for a club named TCIS, which was supposedly the premier club in Jville. I walked down the street to see another club at the exact same add...

I neglected to write this post in the moment while fasting and I regret that, thus this post. on July 4th weekend, from the 2nd to the 4th, I fasted for approximately 3 days and dropped about 7.2 lbs (from 276 to 268.8). that was barely a week and a half ago, but my metabolism in general seems to be speeding up, I'm around 270-273 these days, a far cry from my all-time high of 281. my weight shot up to 275 afterward but seems to be evening out around 271ish. this was the longest I've done a fast since 2009 I think, and this was only done because I was lacking in energy generally and my weight was skyrocketing while yo-yoing all over the place. another thing-I was just thinking today of a book I'm reading, The Fast Diet by Michael Mosley, and it speaks of research detailing that people who dieted every day for 3 months lost 8-10 less lbs than those who ate regularly 5 days a week and cut their calories down to 500-600 on the weekends. its really interesting stuff, ba...