clear vision - clear results

10-20,21 First one was the first time I had seen the doc since late 2014, nearly 4 years.   He has gotten thinner. We talked about a lot. His kids are 8, a son and 11, a daughter, now. I told him of my exit from New York in 2015,   South Carolina then my move to Phoenix. My current relationships were covered also, male friendships too, on whether I feel deprived at a dearth of them. Surprisingly,   we spent the most time talking about weight, and the best way to lose it.   He said that he recommends to everyone to lose only 0.5lb per week. The reason for this is because when you lose weight, you inevitably feel more. Then he brought up sustainability as a key factor, maybe the key factor, which I hadn't considered. The goal is to drop it and keep it off, not have a resurgence just a year down the line. Some tips were given to have a breakfast as well as a more meaty lunch,   including protein, since I've been eating oatmeal or apple sauce when...

It has now been one full year since supreme passed, on October 1st, 2017. Two excerpts from the Celtics Myths & Legends by Eoin Neeson state how I feel with more eloquence than I can muster at present. Well loved pillar of pure gold Lying now beside the ford, dead; cold! Gentle supreme; dear to me, Always shall his image be - Yesterday a mountain looming Now a shadow in the gloaming I'm just getting started in the game, and have a long way to go. But I'm in it to win it. Love you man.

the long drought is over. I feel much more relaxed. Saturday night I went out with a girl I met from the site. she was supposed to meet me to see a movie but she was late, so I told her that we'll get dinner later and we did, after I finished watching the film. the movie was great also, one of the best I've ever seen. the title was 'Alpha' . it was about a prehistoric boy who bonds with a wolf to survive in the wilderness. she picked me up from there and drove to the theater. we ate at the Cheesecake factory, which I wanted to try, having never been there. prior to our dinner we had a drink, and after we got a table and began the date. the kitchen took a long time to make the food, in the meantime I gained some good information about the woman I was facing, such as how old her child was, when the last time she dated was, where the father was, and so on. she was kind of into astrology which I found interesting. she's a fellow Scorpio! right on the cusp, Oct 23. she...

or unease. I'm still trying to adjust to a new sense of identity, or an expanded sense even. Its quite uncomfortable and, I feel weird daily, as if a foreign body were merging with my being. However, I must do this. I am obligated to by a law or principle so deep and mysterious I cannot even define it definitively at present. I can barely scratch the surface of it. I suppose I simply have to force my way through, and adjust over time. My mentor once stated that the person inside me would have to die. I do not know if that is entirely required, but I certainly feel a transformation taking place--a shift. I hope I like myself once I get there.

I am starting to realize that a lot of the game is simply picking up on social cues that women give and being able to respond accordingly. for instance one woman yesterday gave me the good morning message on pof.  she is therefore receptive to more conversation. I responded once but did not carry it forward, which is my error. same with the other chicks who wish me good night or good morning. it means they are thinking about me, in some fashion at least. one area which I find myself being caught flat-footed in is the constant hesitation and waffling I seem to possess. I hold myself back from engaging fully. I know not why exactly. perhaps its from habit, perhaps it is  from a lingering anxiety, an anticipation of fear of failure and the consequences from that from even if I did engage fully and still did not succeed. in any event, its breaking the flow that I am to create with the women that I engage. every woman has a rhythm and every interaction has its own rhythm. I...

The ride to LA began with me screaming at myself internally, the voice which gives delivers me morals to follow (superego) clashing with my real ego, with my real ego demanding the space and freedom to follow the precepts of supreme, and my superego wanting to keep up the isolation that I've been in. I can't say just who has won at this point, its an ongoing battle and only time will tell. On the bus I had an decent conversation with a cat from San Bernardino and he told me of a great free movies website, named gostream movies. After that, I arrived in LA and it was 1am so I got my hotel key and went to sleep. The station is located in the middle of Skid Row for some reason, probably cheap property costs. My hotel was in Hollywood. Woke up Sat morning and headed to the Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Blvd, where I saw the first movie in theaters in about three years-- Mission Impossible: Fallout . The action was excellent, from the motorcycle riding and driving to the fight...

I just spent about a week talking with a broad online only to ask her phone number, have her think about it and have her get cold feet. the thing upon reflection which I caught is that "the game is to be sold, not to be told". I told her I wanted to talk to her on the phone, which she started hemming and hawing over, which I then replied to as it being a way for me to screen women, which probably wasn't the greatest move. these bitches don't need to know the game techniques that I'm running. all they need to know is the feeling and the experience that I'm going to give them. its somewhat akin to deception, only more the creation of an illusory (or real?) state to put them in, almost to hypnotize them in a sense. plus, if she's not willing to give that up, a mere phone number, after a full week of conversation, she won't be willing to give up other things which will be required of her later on. indeed, I shouldn't have told her what I was d...