clear vision - clear results

Its been almost two months since Kobe Bryant passed, in a helicopter crash on January 26, 2020, and I feel ready to commit to paper (or digital medium) how I felt. Long story short, it hurt. It took awhile for the shock to wear off, and a few times, I felt like crying, but no tears would come. But after some time, reality began to set in. The day after it happened, I awoke to find a world that was no better than the day before. I admired him for so long. It seemed as if he would live forever. He accomplished a great deal and was destined for even more. He almost seemed immortal. But no man is immortal, in the real sense. Memento mori . I recently watched Stephon Marbury talk about Kobe, and he said he saw that Kobe Bryant was becoming a spirit on this Earth. He truly was. He embodied the spirit of the game. Pure competition, self-improvement, directed aggressiveness, focus and relentlessness toward reaching a goal. Thats who he was. He reached a point where he was bigger ...

A co-worker told me about the game of cricket the other day and I found it to be quite interesting. The game is played with a ball, bat, pitcher and hitter. The pitcher throws, and if the batter hits he scores points, the amount of which depending on the type of hit. Six points are for balls that fly past a certain line without touching the ground, and four points if the hit ball touches the ground and crosses the line. To score you have to run past a line of gravel or sand of sorts and brush past what are called "wickets". I found the game to be interesting. Its a British creation and British export, therefore Australia, the West Indies, India and a few other countries play it both amateur-wise and professionally. Other than these sporting exploits, things have been steady on my end. Currently I'm saving up as much cash as I can, for the trip back to NYC to convalesce. Glad the holidays are over, now I can put more money away. I'm thinking late spring is when I'l...

This is a quick accounting of my two therapy sessions. I'll post my thoughts on New York and seeing my family in a separate post. 9/3 therapy. First session since October 2018 . It was at his home office, in Scarsdale. Scarsdale is very nice, the houses are big and upscale. Given that its Westchester though,  I suppose that's to be expected. Doc seemed more comfortable than I ever remember him being in New York. The environment in the city must add to his stress. We covered my mistrust of everything,  even apparently of my family, who I hadn't seen in five years. I told of how I was holding off on seeing them into I got down in weight,  fearing a negative judgment since I've ballooned up. When this was rebutted, then the notion that they couldn't say anything since I was paying for everything entered my thoughts, to which Doc responded "Oh, so you bought them off?" with obvious skeptical mirth. Apparently the thought that their gratitude in seeing ...

This day, July the 12th, I almost lost my vision, and it was because of lack of vision that it occurred at all. Usually, part of my morning routine involves putting my contacts in, so I can see. This morning, immediately upon doing so, I was greeting with a burning pain, much like the sensation of a fire-hot blowtorch being pressed against my eye. My eye shut quickly and it was some time before I could get it open and remove the offending contact. It turns out that the solution I used, which was new, nearly cause me to lose my vision. I still went to work this day, though I left a few hours early after the pain and irritation became too much. At some points, over this day and the next, I feared I would lose my vision, particularly when my eye began to shut of its own accord, and not from drowsiness. Other than that I've had a very interesting few weeks since then. Been interviewing for a new position, at a very good firm, and we're upgrading my chosen solution at my curren...

Since the start of the year not too much has changed, just struggling to make a few needed changes in my life. There are a few successes however. First and foremost is that I am student-debt free! Finally. Feels good It was a real grind to get there. But I did it. I worked Dave Ramsey's debt-snowball strategy to a T: $36000+ paid off, in roughly 16 months (14 months in real-time since I only paid the minimum for two months I was traveling). That amounts to half my income basically every month on this bullshit. But its over now. And I truly feel sorry for those who are in debt bondage and will remain so for decades of their lives. All because they signed a document as a dumb 18 year old kid. Sad stuff. Guru of Personal Finance, Dave Ramsey. Another college-related milestone I hit: its been 10 years since I graduated college. The date was May 10th, 2019. How time flies. That was prime in the middle of the market crash, the great Recession, when t...

Personally Last year was one of the most productive in my life, if not the most. I started off working and kept working straight through. Financially it was the year of paying off debt, of which I took down around $24000 worth, mainly student loans but some on credit cards as well. I also started to take Spanish lessons, three times a week for at least nine months. I have more to do to become fluent but at least I've begun. Fluency as I understand it will require at least twice that amount of time. The biggest event of the year for me was the influx of sunshine. Seriously. On a whim or perhaps divine inspiration I decided to sit out in the sun one day for lunch and came in the next day supercharged. From there my energy picked up gradually and I was able to start a workout routine, and get back in the game. Pure Vitamin D3 is no joke. Shortly after I went to LA and just hung out on the beach. I was simply doing it for enjoyment, to hang out and enjoy the weather. At this time I ...

this morning I had a great vibe with a woman who was driving my uber. I got in and her car smelled nice, and even better she was playing fantastic music. don't encounter too many people who know of Paul Hardcastle, let alone chicks. she was black with dreds, age maybe 24-26. we connected over music and afterward I was left wishing that I had gotten her phone# or maybe invited her out to do something. music I find is turning out to be a big aspect of my interactions with women. it colors them, binds them and unites us together in ways that it'd be very difficult to do without. it can both be used to enhance the mood or detract from it. in situations like that I should've applied the New York City principle, that is, if you don't act on it immediately, you'll never see her again. just one of those things I suppose. some other news in my life, since its been awhile. I'm almost below 300 and steadily working to get there. had a brutal session today with my person...