clear vision - clear results

weather wise, here in New York, we are still getting intermittent snow. the temperatures seem to be trending upward though, and its only a matter of time until steady sunshine breaks through. thus, my life. over the past month~, I have moved away from many phases/activities that I once took part in. Hip-Hop Dancing, is now over with. I still have some groove left over, and it was a worth (ye tcostly!) ~5 grand spent. Toastmasters, now done. I suppose I became fed up with the woman co-founder there, and found her to be quite annoying, (as I do with most women who try to lead) although that isn't it, speaking completely. my time there is just up. last but not least to transition, should be my position here at Tommy. the time has flown by, hard to believe I've been here for 16 months already. its been OK, but I knew awhile back that I wouldn't be staying. I have to press on toward greater heights, and once I heard from my manager that raises would be paltry this year, I kn...

Another day. A bit later on. Not much to say, I just closed my eyes to begin. Doc told me to flip over, I did so. He pressed on the left side of my neck, I laughed. He maneuvered around to the right side, I laughed. The middle: I laughed. I laughed and laughed, until the pressure built up and the shouts came. I yelped out in pain, continuously and kicked my legs some. There's a lot of pressure, on the occiput, specifically on the left side. Some was released from the right as well. Afterward, I asked a few questions. I don't remember all of them now. One had to do with myself getting weaker. Cuts are taking longer to heal it seems. Probably just imagining, or I'm not eating enough meat or something. Also, he gave me a mini-paradigm shift. I asked if it was normal to be thinking about death occasionally, and contrasted that to Tyrion's character in Game of Thrones, who said "I like living". Both emotions are within me, at various times. He said yes. I find ...

After roughly a month's absence, I'm back in the mix. I caught up to Doc, asked him how his New Year was going, he said fine. Anything new? "No, just snow". Yearly, his rates go up so I was apprised of that. Then I told that this month would be a bit shaky in terms of coming to the sessions, as I was likely going to go out and look for a new position. He asked if it was work related, it was then I filled him in on the latest events: i.e., the manager there going off for no apparent reason. The details I won't type here, as I do not care in this moment to explicate, but needless to say, at work I now have to be more circumspect, and observant in case the guy goes off again, for no reason which he likely will. Doc's words to me were basically to keep my focus on the work that has to be done, and this would get me through any situations where folks are yelling, going off, and all other types of weirdness that would flummox ordinary individuals. Great advice, ...

Have to write this out now, before I forget.   I got there and picked up from where we left off the night before. The main thrust of what he is saying is be professional, regardless of whether above or below somebody.In situations where I become unsettled, then is precisely when it is most crucial to remain professional. Phrasing of expression is key in the workplace: blunt language rarely works, but assertive language does.    I talked about the family/work thing, which had confused me to a point. I did not know: if its all about the work, and everything comes down to the work, why do people continually try to conflate the two? is it on purpose, to get us to drop our psychic guard? I used to continually wonder this: did V really mean what he said when he said we're like family? or did D mean that, I am like a son? The conclusion I come to is  NO : you can't fire a family member if they don't perform. There is no performance metric. They don't have ...

Focus on the work, he says. This is the gist, the core of what was being imparted. At work, I made a gesture when being told to put my name on the ticket, and had to have a conversation with the lead. So, this was insubordination apparently, especially if done in front of others. Basically I always have to do what is told, what the boss says. If I don't like it, feel free to find another job. So I will. I understand now. All that occurs on the job to be taken in context, of being on the job. I just dislike the probing that occurs, the false personal stuff. These people do not give a real damn about me, they aren't friends, therefore they do not need to know anything about me on a personal level. That's not relevant here. Okay, fine then. If its about the job, lets keep it about the job. The work. It is just a job I'm afraid. If I must be present, let me get the most bang for my "buck" [time]. Let me not go out with the crew then, when I can escape it. When ...

Last nights dream was a direct corollary of the therapy session last night. I awoke, inside a house with a woman (who resembled one of the dance apprentices I train with). It was in a dark room, yet the light from the hallway was on the edge, outlining our silhouettes. I began kissing her passionately, in my arms when I spotted someone hanging from the ceiling. I remember before this it seemed as if I was traveling from room to room? The figure, who seemed to be laying supine on the ceiling, threw a dart to immobilize the woman, and next one was thrown to immobilize me. This is, in re, part of the story of my life... it very powerfully reflects my experience.   Next, over the past few days the tone and  qualia  of comments people have been making has been extremely reflective, to my eyes at least. As I know, there's a principle or rather a working of the inner belief in such a way that when one is making a true change, in the beginning period, the opposite of th...

Another illuminating session. I shared my encounter with the kids on the train, who made jest of the book I was reading: 'The American Irish!"   Then I followed up with more questions and comments concerning people. I thought the basis for interaction should be more from a sense of goodwill, rather than some sort of utilitarian motive. I gave the example of the kid I tried to bring into the fold, when I was first learning IT. the kid whom others thought to be violently repressed. I  must  give the Doc credit, he clarified this: saying that in every interaction, there is an interchange and this is true. There's always some attractive force at play. He spoke also of pleasure gained from the interaction, and I realized that I have an easier time communicating with those who have less of an ego. As it were, my work, at least on a social, interpersonal level likely comes in correctly appraising the character of others: the genuine from the false, (or egoistical)....